11 Mar Love is blind
Love is Blind is a new show on Netflix. I am spending hours between massages to watch it. It awakens in me some contradictory feelings though. Because I can feel a very awkward mix of excitement and rejection.
#LoveIsBlind is the tag many twitter accounts are using to post their opinions about it.
There are some situations in this show that warm up my heart. While some other attitudes are clearly disgusting. Though don’t expect me to mention names here.
I will try to focus only on some thoughts about love and how we deal with partnership in our lives.
Usually all tv shows try to keep our attention by using controversy, scandal and also irritating situations. Beside luxurious resorts and Caribbean settings. While weird behaviours can be addictive since we immediately judge them.
Love is blind: the experiment
I think the experiment is very interesting, but the most convenient is the fact we can use our opinions to improve our own lives. The series acts like a mirror in which you can see yourself. Maybe in more than just one participant.
Of course the whole set up needs to be “bigger than life”. Speed, drama, and also paradise. The way the show is presented you are able to put yourself into a similar situation.
Blind love is… scary
The way young people are facing love, commitment and marriage feels very scary to me. Because I don’t think it is limited to the participants in this show. Is it true that younger people only think of marriage as the biggest and most relevant achievement in life?
Why this fear of being alone? Is it a consequence of being shallow? Is it the fear of emptiness? I guess society puts a lot of pressure on young people. Not just on being successful in their careers, also on showing an attractive cardboard facade. Even though their’s nothing much behind it.
Meeting your partner
There are many ways —more and more— to meet new people. No matter if it is for some casual sex or to start an extremely serious wedding oriented relationships.
Sometimes I think sex live has become a casting.
“You’re not the first —but you can be the next”.
One guy once told me.
In my opinion, the search for love can easily become an obsession. While I still believe in the meaningful surprises of destiny.
I also came to the conclusion that men who are not looking for anything are the most attractive ones. Usually desperate attitudes are un-cool. While the guys who look balanced, calm and satisfied feel very magnetic.
The invisible core
In the show “Love is Blind” the first episode is about creating connection by listening and talking. No visual at all. Thats’ a very smart proposal, since looks and facts as age, race, creed and style can call for prejudice. While the true core of the person is much deeper and invisible.
Sex for the first time
Gay men usually have sex much before knowing each other’s names. Sometimes the facts as sensual role and dick size matter the most. In muy opinion this is a key factor in building relationships, especially if sex is a relevant factor in your life.
And sex is linked to many fetishes. Some are visual, though not all of them. Voice, smell, and the so-called “energies”.
The show puts together men and women who first connected through voice and conversation. They had many criteria to choose each other, except visual contact. That’s an interesting experiment, unfortunately not extensible into real life.
As we can see in the show, sex is a relevant department, even for ladies who are scared about it. But this is an issue that comes up much later in the conversations, even after planning the wedding. Isn’t that too late?
I know many partnerships who don’t see sex as a priority. Something really at the end of the checklist instead. But they talked it from the start, so they are very clear about it. Partners who start such a relationship need to be on the same page. You should not hide it just because you are scared of the truth.
In my opinion, facing your priorities and sharing them openly can build a much better relationship.
Spiritual and carnal connections
Being on the same page is a big relief. It not only saves you stress, it also allows you to deepen in many other aspects of relationships.
Connecting your spiritual self and your carnal approach with somebody is an amazing experience. I don’t know if you agree. I call it mindful connection.
Love is blind —forever?
Mankind has been obsessed with eternity ever since. Pyramids are to last for thousands of years, for a start. Songs to be the anthem for generations.
Though recently the market is filled with gadgets to last for one iteration. From cars to shoes, everything looks like outdated in the period of one year. Letting the culture of obsolescence take over our lives is a big and easy trap to fall into.
Though in my opinion the opposite is also absurd. Why does a car, a house or a partner have to be forever? It’s absolutely human: we can also fall out of love.
The worst though is the social pressure to think in a specific way. Spontaneity is much valuable than blind commitment. Of course I mean responsible spontaneity. Or maybe I mean “honesty” instead of spontaneity. Honesty with oneself.
Planning the future
Do we have to have this pushing need to plan everything for the future? Sometimes human processes are different from person to person. And circumstances as job, family, income and health can impose a much different pace on your plans.
As for me, I take life “step by step”. Speed is the result of doing everything the right way. We need to accomplish all the steps correctly. Jumping up three steps at a time might mean losing some relevant information —or experiences.
Do we have to marry?
As the participants say in the show “Love is Blind”, it is a huge responsibility, a huge engagement”. I will never discourage you to wed, but the idea should always be a spontaneous result of some honest feelings and conversations.
It is sometimes more a cliché than a real need. Wedding is a symbol, though the biggest dimension to it is the social meaning. You can also have a private wedding ceremony without signing any papers. Which is also extremely serious if both of you take it as deep as it is.
So wedding as a “must” in front of family and society is an un-needed pressure, in my opinion. I know many people who married for an external reason.
“Let’s marry before my grand-mother dies. She wants to see me married”.
And not because they really wanted to.
This is a big issue to some of the clients I see in my gay coaching.
How blind is love?
Being blind is not always a virtue, as the series suggest. It is nice not to choose somebody just for their looks. But being blind also means not being able to observe relevant facts.
One of the participants sees as “misunderstandings” a clear statement of his counterpart about not wanting to have sex. “We agree on discussing it” doesn’t mean “we agree on the issue” if that’s the final conclusion.
In my opinion, being blind —metaphorically— is not a virtue. You can be tolerant, patient or supportive, but closing your eyes from reality will have consequences —sooner or later.
So love is probably more valuable if there is full awareness.
Finally, I need to mention the fact that some participants are intentionally fooling their partners. I don’t know if they fear that dishonesty always come afloat —like a dead body.
How necessary is love?
Any person has both material and spiritual needs. Priorities as owing a house, a car, a steady job: relevant to survive. Can you exist without them? How far can you downscale your needs?
Everybody can choose material goods —to a certain extent, depending on income.
On the spiritual side you’ll hear people saying that love is necessary.
They are probably right. But at any cost? And I mean emotional cost. Because some people just need to “have somebody” no matter what.
The reason is frequently because we see this model everywhere. In the movies, in the novels, everywhere around us. Individuals who are alone are “lesser” than partnered people.
Why do we identify being single with being sad or empty?
After all, single men and women are necessary for other singles to meet them!
Do you agree with me about the fact that happy singles are more appealing?
Build or buy
We are used to buy everything ready to use out of the box. They usually call it “plug and play”. From gadgets to dinner. Open the door to delivery, open the box and use it immediately.
So we also tend to see relationships as that.
But the human being is far more complex. Childhood, education, social background, traumas, previous relationships. There’s a lot to share on emotional levels.
I also think that the process of knowing each other is an amazing one. Sharing stories, feelings, dreams from the past and dreams for the present are a huge experience.
Sometimes I think that the whole path is far more interesting than the place you want to go to.
Finally, building something together is fantastic and unique.